Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Orange Like Me

Originally uploaded by MrSnuggleBunny.
BNN (Bunny News Network) -- Hours after the mainstream media aired photos of democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry sporting what appears to be a robust new tan members of the blogging community were quick to point out inconsistencies.

It was quickly noted out that the genetics for such rapid sun tanning did not originate amongst caucasians in the cooler northern climes of Massachusetts, also known as "mighty whities."

Among the evidence used to find fault with the ruddy hue was "proportional pigmenting," also known as tan lines. Such lines are completely absent from the man who maintains he acquired the tan while playing football the previous day while wearing a dress shirt. Also noted was the lack of episodes of similar darkening by the white democrat--or honkey-donkey--on his numerous windsurfing junkets.

Campaign spokesperson Joe Lockhart said he was 99.9% sure that he had never discussed the subject artificial coloring with the sales clerk at TAN-trums Tanning Salon.

Dan Rather said that while he still believed in the authenticity of the tan he could not vouch its source. "I think the real story here," declared the veteran newscaster "is just how much more presidential he looks than George Bush; and no, I am not being partisan."

"This is obviously an attempt by the RNC and their pajama-clad kooks to smear John Kerry's patriotism and to paint him as something he isn't," declared DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe before adding, "Karl Rove made him get this tan to embarrass him."

"The only smear here is paint on Kerry's lily white carcass," said one notable blogger.

The suspicion that copious amounts of artificial pigments were liberally applied to the Senator has led to the coining of the term, "Slathergate."



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